Working in metaphors. The adoption tunnel.

I am an English Teacher. I work in metaphors. I write my feelings. I love words.

Here is my current metaphor for my feelings toward the adoption process.

A PITCH BLACK TUNNEL.

I have read and read and read. Blogs, books, articles, personal stories. I have watched Youtube videos and cried real tears. I am a member of three different foster to adopt Facebook pages. I have talked to three different DSS workers and am in constant email contact with an adoption support non-profit. But it's still a dark tunnel.

I am not a naive person. I like to be prepared for things. I like to know ALL of the bad, ALL of the things that can go wrong. I also really want to hear the good. And believe me, it's hard to find the good.

So back to this tunnel. For those that have not researched the adoption process, it is a long long journey and right now I haven't even really put my foot in the tunnel yet. Right now I am simply looking down the tunnel. Looking to see if I can see anything at all, any little glimmer of light in this long, dark abyss. And honestly, right now the only light it the hypothetical child I do not know. That is just so abstract that it's not enough to counter the fear of the unknown.

This tunnel really doesn't have an end. Raising any child is a life-long commitment. Raising a child who has suffered immeasurable loss is the part that makes this tunnel one I haven't traveled before. A tunnel that is like another world. A tunnel that I am excited to step into but also so, so terrified.

I want to know what to expect, but that is impossible. I want to wrap my brain around the journey, but as any experience DSS worker, foster parent, judge, lawyer or adoptive parent will tell you: you cannot know this thing. Every piece of advice I have received has felt like a warning of sorts

My friends Monet said it well:
The one thing you will find is what makes sense to you and me isn't the way it works.

The tunnel just seems so overwhelming. How will I make the MAPP classes work with three kids? What will they think when they see my bank account? What if our children's hearts don't understand? What if we are never even matched? What if we are and it isn't the right fit? Should we foster first and see if it is right?

But then there is the hope. There are the good stories, the positive experiences and the thoughts of a fourth child to grow our family bigger. A child who needs a home. A child who might fit into our already crazy tribe.

So while the tunnel is dark, and scary and long and unknown I just want to take that first step. February is the first step when we meet with an agency. I'm afraid and excited and ready to see what might be in store.


http://www.playbuzz.com/elizabethmiller10/which-inspirational-quote-really-motivates-you